Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
