Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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