at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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