you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
