Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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