The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
