I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
