Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
