So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
