they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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