I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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