I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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