she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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