dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
