If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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