Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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