i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
