your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
