If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
