do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
