sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
