Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
