Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
