and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
