I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
