So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
