Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
