I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
