he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
