I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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