Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
