Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
