i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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