My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
