i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
