vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
