I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
