Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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