I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
