You just made me feel so damn special
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
