I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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