I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
