Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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