God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
