dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
