We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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