i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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