i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
