the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
