He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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