He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is Oprah even human
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
