I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
