never play flip cup with pint glasses
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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