There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
