last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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