dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
