Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I CAN MOONWALK!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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