Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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