2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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