no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is there bacon in the couch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
