Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
