Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
