Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
