i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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