If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
