the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize