CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ttyl tear gas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
