Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
