i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
