Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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