I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
