a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
